


hold me tightly (and please don't let me go)

by bloodyhalefire



Series: 100 ways to say i love you [2]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Gunshot Wounds, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Philip Shea, Sleepy Cuddles, more specifically...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 12:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18410831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodyhalefire/pseuds/bloodyhalefire
Summary: Philip’s never really read much before, he hasn’t ever had the time or the will to do so, but last week he saw something on the internet saying that reading before bed helps calm the mind before going to sleep, and god does Philip’s mind need calming.--(30. "one more chapter.")





	hold me tightly (and please don't let me go)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [georgiabread (luminaryhowell)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminaryhowell/gifts).



> i dedicated this to you because you're one of the only surviving members of this fandom thanks for commenting on my other fic

Sometimes Lukas can’t sleep: he’s plagued by nightmares or kept awake by a phantom pain in his chest. Philip knows this, and he’d be lying if he said that it didn’t kill him to think about for too long.

 

Which is why Philip understands why Lukas can’t sleep because the thing of it is, he can’t sleep either (and he’d also be lying if he said that his own lack of sleep bothered him more than Lukas’). 

 

Philip’s never really read much before, he hasn’t ever had the time or the will to do so, but last week he saw something on the internet saying that reading before bed helps calm the mind before going to sleep, and god does Philip’s mind need calming.

 

So on one random Wednesday night while the two of them are in Philip’s room, Philip decides to give it a trial run. See if it really helps.

 

After a few chapters Philip feels Lukas shift from where he was laying on his back so that his head is resting on Philip’s stomach. He lifts his head up and looks up at Philip with big eyes. “Read to me?”

 

The vulnerability in his tone makes Philip feel like he’s been hit in the stomach by a brick. Or, like, a house.

 

And then he’s nodding before he can even really think about it. Before he can say anything, though, Lukas mumbles, “You don’t have to start over. Just pick up where you left off.”

 

So Philip clears his throat.  _ “She was terrific to hold hands with. Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddam hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they'd bore you or something. Jane was different.” _

“Kinda reminds me of Rose,” Lukas mumbles from where his head is still shoved into Philip’s stomach.

 

Philip is surprised when he doesn’t feel any sort of jealousy or irritation at the statement. Just curiosity. He hums as a signal for Lukas to continue.

 

“I just never had to worry, y’know? Rose and I were best friends before we started dating. She knew me inside and out. I think that’s probably why we’re still best friends, even after all that’s happened and all that I did to her.” The self-deprecating tone in his voice makes Philip’s heart hurt. “Even if I sometimes was wishing it was you I was holding hands with, I was still happy holding hands with her. Happy being around her.”

 

Philip has no idea what to say to that, because the little speech was loaded. His love for Rose, the acknowledgement and regret of his mistakes, the little admittance that he wanted to hold hands with Philp. All of it makes his heart feel like it’s about to burst from his chest. He smiles and continues reading.

 

_ “We'd get into a goddam movie or something, and right away we'd start holding hands, and we wouldn't quit till the movie was over. And without changing the position or making a big deal out of it. You never even worried, with Jane, whether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was, you were happy. You really were.” _

 

“Yeah,” Lukas mumbles again. “Just like Rose.” And then he shuffles closer to Philip’s body and rubs his face into his bare stomach. Philip reaches down to sift his fingers through Lukas’ hair before continuing, holding the book with one hand so that he wouldn’t have to stop.

 

He reads for what he thinks is an hour before he feels his eyes start to droop. He closes the book and shifts minutely to turn the light off before he hears a small, “One more chapter.”

 

And damn it because Philip is  _ tired, _ but if him doing something as simple as reading will help Lukas sleep better, then of course Philip is going to do it, his own sleep be damned.

 

“Sure, Luka. Of course,” he murmurs. He can immediately sense Lukas’ embarrassment, and so he pulls him up so that he’s laying on Philip’s chest and kisses his forehead. “Don’t be embarrassed, baby. When you need something from me or want something from me, don’t be afraid to ask, okay?”

 

After a beat of silence he feels Lukas nod shyly. He cracks a small smile at that. “Alright then. One more chapter.”

 

Lukas lets out a much more enthusiastic nod at his words, and this time Philip lets out small chuckle.

 

They end up finishing the entire book.

 

And in the morning when Gabe goes to get the boys up for school, he walks in to the sight of Lukas curled up on Philip’s chest, Philip’s arm wrapped around Lukas protectively. The light is still on, and there’s a book laying on his chest. They’re fast asleep.

 

Gabe smiles and closes the door quietly. After all, missing one day of school won’t hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! you can find me on tumblr [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/mysticdevils), feel free to stop by and send requests for stuff!!
> 
> leave a comment or kudos if u liked it!! it would mean a lot!!


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